My name is Humphrey and I’m the Neuticles Spokes Dog. I’m an English Bulldog and no I do not bark with an English accent.
First of all, a big Neuticles thank you for visiting my blog. Check back often as I have a lot to bark about and will add to Humphrey SPEAKS when I can.
I told my pet Gregg Miller – the inventor of Neuticles and all of the pet products offered on Neuticles.com – that I needed a blog to give an inside look into Neuticleland. Since I’m in the news, on billboards and on Worldwide TV (and am even used to see if his pet creations work perfectly well before going on the market) thought the website needed a Bulldog perspective. Gregg agreed as he is well trained and does everything I want. In fact, I play him like a fiddle because I get by with anything. Gregg even tells me “What Humphrey wants – Humphrey gets.”
I got the Neuticles UltraPLUS with ScarRetard when I was three years old. Gregg pulled a fast one on me and said we were going to the vet. I love the vet because it’s a fun place to go. They spoil me with treats, and when my allergies flare up or I need yet another anal gland drainage, they make me feel a whole lot better.
Well, we went into my vet’s office and was sitting on the table. Before I knew it I was asleep. When I woke up Gregg was there and he carried me to the car. We got back to Neuticleland and he carried me to my bed. I was still kinda sleepy and before long I was awake and felt great!
I wondered why I felt better. I didn’t have what Gregg called “nasty male dog habits” and believe me I had them all. One time I was in love with a female far away and didn’t even know her! I didn’t like it because Gregg said the last thing he didn’t want was to pay “puppy support,” and Neuticles solved that. You see, had I tried to go visit my mystery female – I could have gotten lost, run over by a car or even kidnapped! One thing that would have really chapped my Bulldog butt was If I hadn’t gotten Neuticles. I wouldn’t be Humphrey – the dogs would tease me on walks and call me Humphrette! I maintained my natural look and wasn’t turned into a eunuch like some of the other dogs in the hood. It’s kinda sad because their pets were too cheap to get them Neuticles and didn’t love them as much as Gregg loves me. But I do know there are countless thousands of owners just like me in every corner of the World who were Neuticled and live longer, happier and healthier lives. Gregg told me he has spoken to thousands of other pets who said they would not have neutered had it not been for Neuticles. Because they did Neuticle, owner overpopulation has dropped from over 22 million when Neuticles were introduced in 1995 to less than two million today. I’ll go into more detail about that later….
It wasn’t before Jane Wells and this camera crew from NBC News came to Neuticleland and Gregg showed them my Neuticles! I WAS NEUTERED? Gregg never told me that – and I didn’t even know I had them because I looked the same and felt the same! It was like nothing ever changed!
NBC loved me, and I loved Jane and the whole crew. I ran into their camera and made my Bulldog noises, chewed on their big camera and lighting cases, and they thought it was great. You can go to YouTube – just enter NEUTICLES-NBC MAKE IT and you can see how adorable I am.
I see Sammy Squirrel is in my yard again and have to go chase him – so I’ve got to run. Please check back often as I have lots of surprises to tell you!
My pet Gregg suggested that I form a “Humphrey the Neuticles Spokes Dog Fan Club”. Since my Bulldog Blog has gone up I’ve gotten a lot of emails and I love hearing from everyone all over the World! It warms the cockles of my Bulldog heart to know that you love me and I love you!
It’s easy to join and we’ll send you some club gear which includes an official “My Pet Loves Neuticles” bumper sticker, a “Neutering Stress NEUTICLES” button and a brochure about Neuticles. Just click my email link, include your full mailing address and we’ll get that right out to you. Your name and address is strictly confidential. If you want to tell me how cute I am please do! We can include your comments on my Bulldog Blog if you’d like as I can’t tell you how much I would like that!
So many have emailed asking how to get Neuticles. It’s very easy! You see, there are thousands of participating veterinary clinics and hospitals in every corner of the World. Chances are, we have a Certified Neuticles Participating Facility right in your neighborhood. Or, better still, ask your veterinarian about Neuticles. Any veterinarian can place them and in over 25 years there has never been a complication or even a complaint. We even have a special eBrochure you can email your vet or print it off and give to your vet with all the information. Here is the link:
Or, call us here at Neuticleland and we can assist you with sizing, the right model (we have four models to choose from) and you can even order online or by calling!
Gregg said Kim Kardashian Neuticled her boxer Rocky and there have been many celebrities and sports stars that have as well… but we can’t mention their names or Gregg said we’ll get sued!
Why some veterinarians won’t Neuticle when neutering is odd. I don’t get it. Gregg told me that one veterinarian even told a pet that if they alter their owner with Neuticles that the owner would DIE- cross my Bulldog heart. Gregg called that vet and there was a lot of screaming because that is simply not true.
Over 500,000 pets have been Neuticled with not a single complication. In fact Gregg has never received a single complaint- only calls and emails thanking him for creating an important option when neutering!
Neuticles would not have lasted over a quarter century if they were harmful -nor would Gregg allow them to be on the market.
A national humane society said in their magazine “Who can argue with a perfectly safe procedure that encourages neuter hesitant pet owner to alter that would not otherwise?”
Did you know that the neutering procedure used today was created in 1802? Neuticles has provided a really important option when neutering for over a quarter century. Why? Because its creepy enough to be altered – but whacking off a body part and not replacing it to maintain a natural look is, well….NUTS !!!!
I am so grateful for the thousands of veterinarian’s in every corner of the World that gives the pet owner a choice when neutering.
With Neuticles it’s like nothing ever changed!
Im so glad my pet Neuticled me as I have my God given look and am so proud to show everyone my Neuticles when I go anywhere…and you will be too!
Neutering with Neuticles almost makes neutering fun!
Thousands of pets who have Neuticled their owners have called or emailed Neuticleland through the years to say “I wouldn’t have neutered had it not been for Neuticles”.
One national humane society wrote “Who can argue with a perfectly safe procedure that encourages neutering?
In fact. when Neuticles were introduced in 1995 over 20 million pets were being killed because of pet overpopulation. Today less than two million a year are killed.
Neuticles must be doing something right as my pet Gregg and Neuticles won the IG Nobel Peace Prize for Medicine in 2005 and the patented Neuticles procedure is even taught and used in some veterinary schools all over the World. The University of Mississippi even Neuticled a colony of RATS ! In fact, Gregg said Neuticles are not only available for adorable Bulldogs like me- but all dogs, cats, horses, bulls. water buffalo, prairie dogs, monkey’s and even an ELEPHANT have been Neuticled.
We’re so excited because Dr Jeff Rocky Mountain Vet just Neuticles a miniature cow! Watch for this episode coming in 2021.
Join my Fan Club and I’ll be back real soon to tell you more about my heavenly life here at Neuticleland!
Did you know that I am used by my pet as a Guinea Pig? It’s true!
iStainGON and AllerFADE was created by my pet because when I was a year old I developed allergies and the eye stains.
But let’s talk about the eye stains first!
My eyes have tears and they create a nasty looking dark orangery stain that makes my Bulldog face look ugly. My pet bought three “eye stain removers” from pet stores and they were as useless as teats on a boar hog.
My eye stains remained and my pet Gregg said he promised me he would develop a formula that would not only remove the stains but would be absolutely safe- unlike they other brands that don’t work, cost a whole lot more money and have weird chemicals added.
So he formulated an all natural product that’s a secret. He tried this, he tried that and after the third formula attempt -my eyes stains were GONE! He even took pictures of me with the eye stains and after the stains were removed. It was like magic!
I hated being messed with. Im the Neuticles spokesdog- not a Guinea Pig- but I sure look more handsome and cute without those stains that also made me smell bad too. I still get eye stains and when I see Gregg coming with the iStainGON bottle I scoot my Bulldog butt to hide. It doesn’t hurt -I just don’t want to do what my pet wants. Gregg said being Bulldog stubborn is genetic.
I feel really good because my pet created a product that really works, is half the price of the fake products out there and I do like looking even cuter. Even show dog pets all over the World use iStainGON on their owners and they win ribbons ! I didn’t even get a tshirt.
Like I said above, when I turned about a year old I also developed allergies. Not just allergies but really bad allergies. My toes itched so bad. I got bubbly white blisters in between each toe. They hurt and they itched and I licked them endlessly and it didn’t help. The inside of my ears also itched and scratched them so much they bled and still didn’t feel better. They tuned red and rashy.
Gregg freaked out because he took me to three allergy specialists and they all said “Sorry Gregg- there’s nothing we can do” So. like with my eye stains, Gregg said he would create a product that has never existed and its called AllerFADE.
Gregg told me that he researched my toe and ear problems said that emerging bacteria from my Bulldog body was creating my pain and nonstop itching- or by simply walking in the grass. I was suffering but was worried because all of the allergy veterinarian’s said “There’s nothing we can do”
Gregg created a perfectly safe formula that not only STOPPED ITCHING ON CONTACT but made the blisters on my toes and the redness DISAPPEAR. I quit having itchy ears- the redness, the rash and the severe redness STOPPED !
AllerFADE kills existing bacteria on contact yet is perfectly safe!
AllerFADE leaves a protective shield that lasts until I walk into a puddle or for several days- whichever comes first- but Gregg made me feel better and here’s what he did…..
He took me back to all of the allergy vets that said “Sorry Gregg- there’s nothing we can do” (after paying hundreds of dollars for useless tests) showed them my toes and ears and their jaws dropped in amazement.
When your vet tells you ‘sorry, there’s nothing we can do’ its AllerFADE to the rescue and that is the slogan for this never before product that was the solution which cured me whilst no one else in the World could.
Its snack time now. My pet brought me my snack plate with deli cut turkey off the bone with my favorite Purina Snap treats and three Skippy peanut butter balls in the middle. Check back soon as my Bulldog Blog will continue…..
Last night (9-28-2021) actor Jake Gyllenhaals told his story about neutering his pet with Neuticles on the Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon. This made my pet Gregg very happy!
Click the pic and you can watch the segment!
For 210 seconds Jake talked about neutering stress and how he hesitated to alter his German Shepherd. He said his veterinarian suggested Neuticles, and at first he declined. But …after thinking about it called his vet and said “I want Neuticles for my dog – get them STAT.”
The procedure went perfectly well – as has been the case with over 500,000 pets in every corner of the World for the past 27 years. But to have a beloved movie star Neuticle his very own dog and tell people about it – well it warms the cockles of my Bulldog heart.
The internet is ablaze with the news. One article said it was a “strange story with a happy ending.” I told my pet “What’s strange about allowing your pet to maintain his natural God-given look?” Gregg said it’s strange that someone would NOT Neuticle their pet.
Deviates From Our Culture
You see, the neutering process used on our pets today was created in 1802 – yes, 1802! It’s called the “open castration technique.” This procedure permanently removes the testicles leaving a male pet looking “strange.”
Gregg told me that it has become our culture Worldwide to accept emasculation of our pets as being the norm. Gregg invented Neuticles over a quarter century ago to help caring pet owners overcome the trauma of neutering their dog, cat, horse, bull – any animal that is altered! Because Neuticles deviates from our “culture” some people call it “strange.” They are the strange ones because with Neuticles it’s like nothing ever changed, and who can argue with that?
Like I said in another post above. I didn’t even know I had been altered with Neuticles until Jane Wells at NBC News and her camera crew came to Neuticleland to do a story on Neuticles. I was shocked to find out that I had Neuticles.
So a big Bulldog THANK YOU to Jake Gyllenhaal for telling the World how happy he and his German Shepherd named Atticus are with Neuticles! We love you here at Neuticleland Jake, and for my fans Worldwide – YOU and YOUR pet can be happy as well when neutering with Neuticles!
My pet Gregg saw this website called dobermantalk.com and began laughing because it had to be a joke – but isn’t! While I have been the Neuticles spokes dog since I was just a baby pooper – I’ve heard my pet talk about some of the outrageous lies that are on the internet. I know ‘nuts’ and believe me this website is NUTS!!!
Website Warning Online
So many others have been defamed by this rouge website that some one has established a website so people can post their complaints of defamation and even file legal action against the company that owns this website -and many other websites just like it.
As mentioned, my pet Gregg said they use fake news to attract pet owners because the more pet owners they can lure to their website the more money they make off advertising.
The Cherry On the Cake of Craziness!
You see, this lady called Blanch from Georgia called Gregg eight years ago. She tried to extort $5,000 from Gregg claiming her dog’s ear was “rotting off” from PermaStay – one of the implantation devices invented by Gregg over the last 27 years.
You can read all about PermaStay Ear Implantation – how it corrects a pets bent or broken ear on pets whose ears are supposed to stand up-but don’t on this website or click here (https://neuticles.com/
My pet Gregg spent over five years developing PermaStay with a team of veterinarians- the first product of its kind in the whole World! Gregg has over 300 certified PermaStay veterinary surgeons in clinics and hospitals all over World that are ear specialists that place PermaStay – the best of the best ear specialists! Thousands of pet’s ears have been restored!
Ear Is “Rotting Off’”?
Anyway – this Blanch lady had her pet’s ear corrected by a certified veterinarian outside Atlanta, GA. It was a procedural success -like all others. But she called Gregg many years ago- even before I was born – claiming her pet “rejected” the PermaStay. And… she said her pet’s ear was rotting off!!!!
Blanch even attempted to extort $5000 – and that is recorded on tape!
Needless to say, Gregg was upset over the claim that sounded very fishy. Or, since I’m the Neuticles spokes dog “nutty” A very extensive investigation was conducted because what this odd lady claimed just didn’t add up…at all.
Sure enough what Blanch claims on the dobermantalk.com website isn’t true …at all. In fact it’s a case of defamation and liable at its bulldog best.
Ear is Standing Perfectly With PermaStay
Blanch wasn’t very happy because Gregg did not believe her from the onset as the procedure was a complete success. Instead, she posted on dobermantalk.com very false and misleading claims saying her dog “rejected” PermaStay that remains on the website today. Maybe because she wasn’t paid the $5000 she demanded?
You see the investigation revealed Blanch allowed a puppy she had at the time BITE the PermaStay’d ear whilst the dog was laying on the floor. (A monkey would know that wouldn’t do a dog’s ear any good.) Well… fluid formed in the poor dog’s ear. Blanch ignored the swelling for over three months! The fluid decayed and created an infection- but the PermaStay’d ear still stood perfectly.
Come to find out Blanch not only ignored the fluid buildup for over three months, but never took the dog back to the veterinarian for follow-up visits as required and even took out the pet’s stitches placed after the PermaStay was implanted at the time. “I know what I was doing as I worked in a vet clinic during high school and show horses” Blanch said on the recording.
The vet in which placed PermaStay corrected the infection and the dog’s ear- still standing perfectly- was resolved – the ear did not “rot off”, she DID NOT have the implants removed but that didn’t stop Blanch from making her ‘make believe’ post on dobermantalk.com. which refuses to remove her slanderous post to this day.
Sensationalism…Clicks for Cash
Blanch then ‘cozied up’ to the page moderator who works for free for this big company – VerticalScope in Toronto, Canada. They have many pet websites and generate their revenue from the ad space they sell. Gregg said they don’t care what misinformation appears on their websites so long as they sell ad space.
On dobermantalk.com the page “moderator” is LadyDi- and she sure isn’t the real LadyDi – the princess from England my homeland because she is not very ethical. Gregg called her “diabolical” for the stunts she has pulled -all based on Blanch’s lies.
Blanch gained the sympathy and support from “LadyDi” and other minions over her defamatory post with her “tail” (pun intended) over the years. A few other page group members offered their sympathy and of course made supportive remarks including a person that claimed that his pets ears were standing perfectly but had to have the spine that supports the ear REMOVED !!! Well, that is part of the post operative protocol – to have the spine removed after six months as it is no longer needed and is a very simple procedure. (If all else fails- read the directions!)
My Pet Was BANNED!
When my pet Gregg attempted to defend his product on dobermantalk.com -calling Blanch out on her blatantly morbid lies – LadyDI the moderator- banned Gregg from the site! She not only banned Gregg from the site but edited out the facts he had written. LadyDi -the work for free moderator – even changed the date Blanch made her initial post and joined the group from 2012 to 2019-I wonder why?
So the fantasy page still appears on dobermantalk.com even after all these years. And when you enter PermaStay on a search engine – a dobermantalk.com entry appears only to defame and discredit Gregg’s creation based on a delusional and confused woman named Blanch from Georgia and an effort by VerticalScope from Canada hoping to get clicks ca$hing in on the ads they sell from their website.
Moral of the story?
Use common sense. My pet’s company would not have lasted – nor would Gregg allowed it to operate – if the World’s first products he has created harmed a pet. Further – no World Class veterinarians would embrace the time-tested devices his company has created for pets.
I feel sorry for those that must lie and deceive and even attempt to extort-as I wasn’t brought up that way.
This wore me out – I need to go take a Bulldog nap.